I feel fragile today.
Fully rested, but still fragile.
Overwhelmed by the weight of everything — including these 31 days — more focused on writing the words and doing the social media thing than on reading and absorbing the holy words to which my words are supposed to be secondary and responsive.
Too much giving, too little receiving. Too much trying to be like him or her, too little trying to find out who I really am. Too much pressure, too little grace. Too much trying-to-please, too little trying-to-trust.
I’m still reading the Bible (almost) every day. The experiment is working, one day and one chapter at a time. And yet it feels off, like I’ve turned the Bible into a means to an end that’s all about me and my writing goals.
And in addition to all that, I’m questioning many things and wondering about others and despairing of finding life in all the usual places.
Right now, there are few things I can honestly say that I know for sure, without feeling like I’m being at least a tiny bit disingenuous.
But I am still here, refusing to be consumed by the fires of my own mind and heart, seeking God in the “grit and routine of everyday life,” and in the pages of his Word.
This is day 9 of 31 Days in the Word.